In the Capital

It's strange, how in the span of minutes my perspective changes, my thoughts on how things are going and what I am doing. Sometimes I stay feeling great or feeling overwhelmed for only moments and sometimes it lasts for longer. The last couple days have been interesting because they have been interesting, fun, varied, busy (although all this has been accomplished by being mostly out of my site) but yet I have been feeling anxious and emotional. I'm not sure what the cause is, but I will keep moving forward, eagerly working toward feeling settled, comfortable and at home.

Insecurities here are many. Am I qualified for this? Can I be an effective volunteer? Can I overcome my shyness and get myself integrated into my community, and find myself a few friends? Is my Spanish ever going to feel comfortable and normal, if not perfect? I mean, I can handle making mistakes but when do I get to just talk and listen and not miss a large chunk of what's going on?

On the other hand, things are great, too. A couple of days ago I went to 27 Charcos with some volunteers nearby to celebrate one of the guys' birthday in my group, and it was amazing. 27 Charcos was one of the things on the short list of activities I was sure I wanted to do before coming here. Basically, it involves climbing up and then jumping/sliding down a sequence of 27 waterfalls, the highest jump being at the top and about 35 feet (I passed on that one). In any case, it's incredibly beautiful and totally naturally occurring. Then yesterday I got on a really, really early bus (complete with a crowing rooster and a cockroach, and a leaky roof so I got rained on) to come to the capital. Before I even got on the bus I was drenched from the 20 minute-in-the-pouring-down-rain motorcycle ride to catch the bus, so that was kindof rough and cold. However, upon my arrival in the capital for the holiday artisan fair, I came to the PC office and was delighted to find I had a few lovely care packages (which my kindly neighbor volunteer Rob has taken back to my site for me because I couldn't manage all my stuff!), and then I went and spent the day at the fair. The fair is great, and I'm headed back there today, but it's been a little disappointing so far because the candles I brought from the jovenes I'm working with aren't selling very well, and I couldn't bring a very large selection to begin with because they weigh a ton. Also, the quality of the products there are pretty kick ass, and while my group has improved a lot (from what I hear) since they began, they still have a ways to go.

As for in my community, not too much is going on there. I am trying to focus on learning my way around the community and meeting people, but of course this is always a challenge for me. I have been going to a few meetings but I haven't yet made it to all of them, and my project partner and I haven't had very much time to spend on orienting me to their organization and their work. My vision of what I will be doing with them, or what they are hoping for, is still pretty unclear. They are actually pretty organized and developed and functional in Dominican terms, and my counterpart is my same age and level of education, so I don't feel especially confident that I have so much knowledge she doesn't. It will be really good once I can get going on the organizational diagnostic component of my community diagnostic (the only "real" work we are supposed to do the first three months) with my proj partner because it will give me some structure to work in to research the group I work with. It will also give me something to do.

Aside from the blurry vision of my work as a volunteer in my community, I am also still feeling blurry about my role as a person. Finding friends, knowing who's who. Being able to live independently and set my own schedule, activities, meals, projects and commitments. From what I understand, all the difficulties that I am experiencing right now related to host family, autonomy, friends and work are all normal, and I find this reassuring most of the time (although sometimes it doesn't help that much).


Let's see what else? I've been loving the emails and thanks for the phone calls too, from everyone who has been able to be in touch! Hearing from you all has made life grand. Being in a place where nobody knows me, or understands me, or is used to me (at the very least... in the absence of the first two) has made me understand how nice home is. Nobody is perfect; no family, no group of friends, but boy is it nice to not have to explain everything, for example, chilling out solo. Dominican culture just doesn't include a notion of personal time, of solitude. It's very strange to them that we like it, need it, want it. I don't think I'm homesick (that will come when/if... no, when I get sick), but I'm just realizing again that while I can complain until I am blue in th face (because I am, by nature, a complainer), I like you guys!!!

Okay, this is good for now. Check you later!!!! I miss you!!!
Kira