12.16.07

So far, today has been an interesting day. I woke up finding it a bit hard to get out of bed – the day that was ahead of me was void of any plans, and given my slightly precarious emotional state lately, I just wasn’t too sure about things. Things are shaping up to be low key, but I am feeling more peaceful than I have in a while, so that’s good. This morning, I gave myself a pedicure and passed close to two hours soaking, cleaning and painting my toes and I am only slightly exaggerating when I say that this activity was observed and commented on (as are all the mundane things I do throughout the day, like wear earrings, wash my underwear or put my hair up with a pen) – by children and adults alike, with no less fanfare than a girl getting ready for her senior prom.

Next, I decided to tidy up my room, which is rather futile because I don’t have nearly enough space for the things I need to be accessible, so as soon as I move to get something the whole place will be a mess again. I’ve decided to build myself a bookcase, although this will probably take several weeks given that I have to procure someone who can build it and the materials as well (which means a trip to the pueblo).

In any case, when I was cleaning I discovered a huge spider had taken up residence and in trying to help, my 8 year old host sister succeeded in chasing the damn thing INTO my closet where it had endless pockets and shoes to hide in. Susa (my host “mom”) eventually found it, as which time I discovered that my shoes in the closet are growing mold. Yay. So, out I went to wash the mold off and set them in the sun to dry and hopefully bake the mold spores dead. This however, I know, is also a useless fight because of the humidity here.

So now, I have clean feet, red toenails and a tidy room (and a more relaxed state of mind) and I’m perched on the front patio like Julia Stiles in Ten Things I Hate About You.

I got a little bit of a talking to from my counterpart and my dona the other day about they are worried that I seem sad here. I gues I am, but it’s not as simple as I’m sad, and because I don’t feel confident I can explain effectively in Spanish (AND because I am not ready to be so vulnerable with the people here yet) I hesitate to begin the conversation. Aside from these emotional reasons, there are some practical problems as well. Dominicans don’t participate in privacy, so having a one-on-one conversation is nearly impossible (sorry, but I don’t want to have a town-hall discussion about how I’m doing) and when you do happen to get someone alone, there are always interruptions. Even in the las week or so I can’t count how many times my dona has asked me what’s up – and I began to explain – only to have her walk out or someone walk in before I had completed my first sentence. It’s not only that there are interruptions but that the conversation never picks back up. It’s like the person doesn’t even remember the conversation was taking place.

All these obstacles add up to that so far, there isn’t anyone here who I have been able to confide in. In training, they talked to us a lot about the importance of integrating into our communities and building confianza (trust) in order to be happy and successful here. It’s pretty obvious now that I think about it, but what they didn’t mention is that the community has to earn the confianza of the volunteer as well, and this is what has caught me off guard.

The other volunteer here, although I understand he has his own life, projects and commitments, has not done much to lend a hand. He’s so busy I haven’t even had a chance to visit his house yet. I think part of it is that we wants me to be able to have my own experience, but if the situation were reversed, I’d make sure to check on the new person more and offer them a place to visit and relax and such.

However, I am happy to report two things. One, I had an almost-real conversation with one of the girls in the community. It, of course, was interrupted, but at least we actually got started and she was paying attention and being responsive. Second, last night I met my first “peer.” That is, my age, college graduate, employed, not married, no kids yet. Now, I have nothing against people getting married or having kids in their 20s, but it’s been a month in my site now and she’s the first who had all those demographic factors in common. Of course, although she works here, she lives in the next community over, but it’s a start.

Although there are plenty of women in their mid-20s and early 30s, their lives are so different that they seem farther away. I’ve mentioned before that my counterpart is 26 with 12 and 4 year old kids, and my dona is 28 with 12 and 8 year old kids. This is pretty common here and they are just not even close to similar places in their lives as I am. So I feel encouraged to have had two glimmers this week.

Also, why aren’t the damn Dominicans asking me to dance? They warned us up and down in training that the men here would be vying over us. Now, I don’t want to be fought over, but Iv’e been to the disco several times now and the only times I’ve danced are with the grandpa men and some guy who got told to dance with me. What’s up with that???

(Side note, in sitting here writing this I have already gotten THREE mosquito bites).

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that during my peaceful pedi earlier, I also took breaks to watch the cow the men killed today get butchered behind out house. Someone died and there’s a vela (memorial service) tomorrow in Santiago, and this will be lunch. It was interesting to be painting my nails when not 20 feet away there was an ad hoc butcher shop. (Look for pictures!)