The End

I write this entry from my mom's house in Oregon as I am working my way back into life in the US. This comes earlier than expected, as my service in the Dominican Republic was not set to finish for another year, but here I am.

Deciding to come home was a very difficult, personal decision, but it was the right one. I could list out all the factors that brought me to this place, but they are many and private, and so suffice it to say that after fighting to be happy for a little more than a year, I decided enough was enough. I had a good hard think, asking myself whether I could change my internal or external environment enough to turn things around for the remainder of my service. My answer to myself was "I don't think so," so, to oversimplify the whole decision making process, I came home.

I am sad Peace Corps didn't work out; I so wanted it to. I was sure. I was committed. I finish what I start. I am disappointed that this amazing experience turned out to not be for me, and I feel like I let my community down. But, I know that I am the only person in the world who can make my happiness a top priority, and I have a responsibility to myself to do that. I have no regrets about going to Peace Corps--not for all it took to get there in the first place or of spending a year of my life there, with all the physical and emotional trials and tribulations. I am glad that I went, and glad that I came home. It would have been a shame to "stick it out" for another 15 months and wind up resenting Peace Corps, my community and the Dominican Republic. I think that might have happened for me. So, I am thankful for what I was able to contribute in my short time, and I am thankful for what I have learned--about the world, about life, about myself.

I am still too close to my experience to be able to prepare my soundbite about being in Peace Corps, but I do know that I am more me now. More comfortable in my skin, more sure of what I want and of who I am. In such an intense environment, I learned a lot about my values and priorities and what I am (or am not) willing to negotiate. The value of this personal growth is not lost on me. I only wish I had been able to contribute as much as I feel I've gained.

That's it for now, for this diary of my time as a PCV in the Caribbean. Thanks for reading!!!!

Updates

Greetings from the DR!

Things have finally calmed down from all my out-of-site work trips and travels (and my first visitors, family who came and stayed for a week here in Puerto Plata), and I’m trying to use this time to get a few things back up and running, namely another group of kids for the Actas de Nacimiento in addition to helping the Escojo group get back into the swing of things with school starting, and helping CHOCAL (the chocolate project in Fundelosa) get a hold on their costs/prices and keeping track of things (inventory, attendance, sales, cash flow, accounts receivable, etc).

I’m also trying to help Camino de Luz transition from being a “youth business” to having a community member take over running it and being responsible for it. She’s going to have to take out a loan to buy materials and get production back up and running, and because the loan will be through my counterpart organization, I’ll have more responsibility for it than I’d like, although none legal. People in the community want me to do all sorts of things I don’t want to do, which I usually get out of by explaining that it’s not why I’m here… not my job (and not a hobby I’m interested in) (for example, being the Community Photographer Available At Your Beck And Call). Since Day One, Camino de Luz has been my most frustrating, least rewarding and least favorite activity at my site, and leaving it to run its course is tempting. I’d be happy to be rid of the headache. However, I don’t want to fail, and I hate admitting defeat. I don’t want to be the one who throws in the towel. Although the youth “can’t” (read, “don’t want to”) continue, they do want the business to stay open and operating. The community wants it to continue, and they want me to be involved in it. In addition to the woman who is taking over, there are others who had expressed interest in doing so. The “It’s not my job” line doesn’t work, because, well, it IS part of my official project assignment, and the community isn’t totally ambivalent about its success (although they certainly aren’t passionately proactive about it, either). And so I toil, and stress, and beat my head against the wall.

I think part of my problem with Camino de Luz is I’ve never seen any indication that it will be able to sustain itself without a Volunteer constantly harping and nagging to pay the bills, buy more supplies, collect on money due, have a meeting, look for new business, reevaluate market costs and prices, clean, organize. I believe what these kids have learned is important whether the business itself succeeds or fails, and it’s exhausting postponing the inevitable. Also, and perhaps more to the point, I’ve never felt much camaraderie with the people associated with the business, apart from the mother of one of the girls. They’ve never sought me out, made me feel especially welcome, seemed interested in getting to know one another or been more than minimally responsive to me or what we are supposedly trying to accomplish. I have only felt like I’ve been dragging them, kicking and screaming, forcing them (generally unsuccessfully) to do things they aren’t really committed to. So I’m sure you, faithful readers, can imagine how trying it is to continue with this project, not wanting to let myself, my community, the business or Peace Corps down. It is so tempting, so easy, to take advantage of any opportunity to reschedule whatever activity is pending; everybody shares the blame in this one.

Anyways, now that my summer craziness is over (I thought it was just going to be June, but it ended up also being most of July and half of August!) I am trying to get back into my projects in my site. Already I can tell that the next cycle of conferences, workshops and Gringo Grita is going to be busy again, but now I know to be more conscientious of my scheduling so I don’t get so booked up andaring.

Although I am doing pretty well, still feeling good about being here and hopeful (if not confident) that I will leave my community at least a little better than I found it, I am finding that, unfortunately, guilt and anxiety seem to be the constants in my emotional status here. I have always been a worrier, only just in control of my anxious tendencies. It pains me to think that I might let someone down or not fulfill their expectations (my own included). I stress, worry and feel guilty when I am out of my site, be it for work or pleasure, because my community wants me here. But then I feel pissed off that when I am here, people don’t make much an effort to include me or get to know me beyond the basics (I am reprimanded for not coming to visit, but when I visit, I’m given a plastic chair and left by myself), or engage themselves in my projects. I feel guilty for not participating in more recreational volunteer events, or hanging out/bonding with other volunteers. I feel guilty for not being as neighborly and social as I think my community wants me to be. I worry that they think I’m not working enough, not doing enough, not contributing enough because I don’t work very much one-on-one with individual families. I feel guilty and judged when I take the personal time and space I need to stay sane (which too often negates the positive effects of taking it). I feel like I am constantly being measured by and compared to previous volunteers, and that I don’t cut the mustard (even though I rationally know it wasn’t always easy going for those previous volunteers, this doesn’t seem to help). I am surrounded by many acquaintances, few peers and even fewer friends.

This is not to say that my days and weeks here are without happiness, successes. Moments of clarity and inspiration, of feeling wanted, valued, appreciated, respected do come, and not as infrequently as it might seem, given the tone of this entry. It just kind of all cancels itself out to being “okay,” and I want things to be amazing. I want my heart to feel full with pride and love for my community and my work; I want my heart to be “in it,” but, sometimes, the reality is that it is mind-over-matter here to stay motivated, to keep going, to remain positive.

Aside from that, I miss home. Of course I miss my family, although seven years now of living away from home we are all accustomed to not being in touch on a daily basis. But I so miss my niece (who I haven’t even met she’s so new) and my nephew. I miss my friends, and am missing huge events in their lives—weddings, babies, new serious-seeming boyfriends who I don’t get to evaluate and approve. And then there is a certain RPCV who is making my life difficult, although hopefully in a good way. Life continues at home. Everyone is headed full-speed into the futures, and I have no idea what mine holds.

Yet things are progressing, happening. Time, actually, is flying by. Here are some important upcoming milestones:

- September 13: One-year anniversary In-Country

- End of October: Halfway point of Peace Corps Service

- November 20: My BIRTHDAY

- November 24 (mas o menos): One-year anniversary in my site

Although the days sometimes go by oh so slowly, the weeks and months are flying by. I look back, now, and cannot believe it was a year ago that my mom dropped me off at the airport at some absurd hour of the morning to embark on this adventure. When I reflect on what I have done and how smoothly things really have gone (if I’m honest, instead of super-critical of myself), and how quickly time has gone by, I feel bolstered, surer, that I can do this, that I will do this, and that I will do it well.

When I started writing this, I thought it would be more of an update on what I’ve been doing instead of so much about how I’m doing, but it seems I had a lot to say. One wonderful thing I did do was receive my first visitors of my service. Uncle Dennis, Linda and Lila, and my cousin Jami spent a week with me. It was wonderful to see them and spend time with them, not to mention the amazing HUGE suitcases of goodies they brought me. We went to 27 Charcos, spent an afternoon and ate lunch at my site, went souvenir shopping in Puerto Plata, got massages, cut about 10 inches off my hair, laid on the beach, read, ate, took HOT SHOWERS! Of course, I was really the only one who got any mosquito bites to speak of… just my luck. Also, they got to enjoy the anxiety/anticipation and, fortunately, let-down of Tropical Storm Fay (nothing much happened here).

Anyways, thanks for the continued support. Keeping this blog has been more helpful to me than I had thought, both in terms of keeping in touch and documenting my experience, but also in fleshing out what’s going on in my mind. I find it hard to talk about it, or put my thoughts into words on the fly, so writing about it has been important to make sure it all doesn’t stay inside.

Until next time!

Kira

An Avocado a Day, Two and a Half Books a Month

Only the better off Dominicans have the luxury of eating an apple with any frequency—at US $1 each or more, they have got be imported all the way from Washington State (or else from the moon, at that price!). Most families share one or two at Christmastime, and are a surefire hit if you show up with a few after a trip to the city.

On the other hand, it sure is a good thing I acquired a taste for avocados over the last couple of years, because avocado season here runs from mid-July to oh, nearly March I’d say, and considering that fresh produce is hard to come by here, coupled with the fact that between my neighbor and I we have at least eight trees on our properties, I have overwhelming access to and consumption of these fine, Omega-3-rich green goodies.

A normal person, especially an American 20-something woman, would worry that eating up to 2 (huge) avocados a day, most days, might result in some additional poundage. But I like to be different. Attributable to several factors (it’s hot; I walk A LOT; I am BORED TO TEARS of the food here; anything other than coffee in the morning should be a punishable offense) I am as thin as I’ve been in a while, so it’s cool with me I double my daily fat intake comiendo aguacates. It still doesn’t amount to much. My concern is that these, too, will lose their luster long before the season ends.

***

People ask often enough what we, Volunteers, read, both on the inside and outside of the Peace Corps circle. I just did the math and I have read 31 books since September 13, 2007 when I left the USA. An average of 2.5 per month. What can I say, I’m and Oro…

… in order, with the best in italics:

1. The Guy Not Taken by Jennifer Weiner
2. In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez
3. Monique and the Mango Rains by Kris Holloway
4. Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld
5. Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert
6. Naked by David Sedaris
7. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
8. Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder
9. Before We Were Free by Julia Alvarez
10. The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing by Melissa Bank
11. Paula by Isabelle Allende
12. The History of Love by Nicole Krauss
13. The Family Tree by Carole Cadwalladr
14. To Feel Stuff by Andrea Seigel
15. The Choice by Nicholas Sparks
16. This is Not Chick Lit by Elizabeth Merrick
17. The Life of Pi by Yann Martel
18. A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson
19. Atonement by Ian McEwan
20. The Namesake by ?
21. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
22. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
23. Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen
24. Feeling Sorry for Celia by Jaclyn Moriarty
25. Midwives by Chis Bohjalian
26. The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
27. The Stories of Eva Luna by Isabelle Allende
28. Nine Hills to Nambonkaha by Sarah Erdman
29. In the Name of Salome by Julia Alvarez
30. Sushi for Beginners by Marian Keynes
31. Marley and Me by John Grogan

***

Last but definitely not least, please give a warm welcome to the new group of Peace Corps Dominican Republic Volunteers who will be working in health, business, youth and water/sanitation (just like my group!). Volunteer groups arrive about every six months, alternating between these sectors and environment, education and I forget the other. Anyways, the “my sector” group ahead of me is winding down (they leave in November) and the new “my sector” group arrived, well, today, I think. This is a milestone for my own group of Volunteers; it means we are nearly at the half-way mark. We are no longer the “new” group. We have accomplished much and are (supposedly) nearing the elusive “lightbulb” moment they tease us with when all our projects and work and frustration come together and we start seeing fruits of our labor.

My First Dominican Car Accident

So I was coming back from Chery's site today (congratulations to her on the inauguration of her community and computer center) and our guagua was involved in a car accident on the highway. Two guaguas and one or two private vehicles rearended each other... I think we were last in line. I AM FINE. This was a hysterical Peace Corps Moment, not only because we were not the least bit distressed or hurt, but we saw it coming and STILL weren't worried because the gugaguas here always ALMOST crash but never do. Until today. I am not sore at all or anything, but if that changes I'll be sure to be a grown up and see the doctor. Anyway, so I was with someone who had a plane to catch so we took advantage of our rubia-ness and got ourselves on a different guagua that was going by, and made the trip, which should NEVER take less than 2 h 45 m, in 2.5 hours, including the lost time in the accident. They were FLYING. Incidentally, this was not the cause of the accident as when that happened we were going a much normal pace in traffic.

Anyways, if you read this and several previous entries, you'll notice that I've had some interesting things happen to me of late here in the DR. Thankfully nothing has been too serious!

Ratoncitos en mi ropa interior

Sunday afternoon, sitting in the neighbor’s enramada, getting good-naturedly chewed out for sleeping with earplugs in because I won’t sentir potential things out of sorts during the night. I sleep with earplugs in because of the chickens cantaring (although I think “singing” is not nearly an annoying enough word), but also because of the critters that scurry and play in my house at night. I have a TON of cute little lizards which don’t bother me at all. I try to ignore the tell-tale little black pellets I find and tell myself that all the scurrying I hear is the friendly lizards.

So, Sunday night I go to bed without the earplugs… maybe I was feeling guilty. I shouldn’t have, because what I need to worry about sentiring at night is rats in my dresser moving my clothes around and pulling things from one drawer into the other. I’ve found rat turds in my drawers all along, but actually hearing them in there was new. Obviously this was not an ideal situation, but I didn’t know what to do at 3 a.m. so I shoved in my trusty neon orange tapones (interestingly, also the word for a traffic jam) and went back to an unrestful sleep.

The phrase in Spanish for “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed” is “Me levanté con el pie izquierda.” IMAGINATE! Obviously I had to get dressed Monday morning so inspecting the damage could only be put off for so long, plus I had somewhere to be. I figured my clothes would be out of ordered, and even perhaps with a few new holes, but I didn’t think I’d pull open the top drawer and find the damn rat STILL THERE. Well, we surprised each other. I squealed, and she ran out the back of the drawer into the safety of the rest of the dresser. I gingerly pulled the top drawer, full of my freshly hand-washed underwear (humph!), and dumped the whole thing out on my cement floor. To my extreme dismay, I heard squeaking. I used the handle of my escoba to fling my panties off the pile one by one. I heard myself let out one of those long, slow, crescendo-ing cries of alarm as I came upon a little, wiggling, pink, furless, newborn baby ratoncito furrowing about in my skivvies.

BEELINE to the neighbor’s house, because I sure as shit don’t want to deal with this. And plus, mom is still hiding in the dresser. So my vecina mandars her 14 year old son over to help me. He whips out my machete (yes, I have a machete, although I feel much less safe with it in my hands than when it’s it the sheath), scoops squealing baby onto the tip (please, please Daivin, don’t poke it and make it bleed it’s baby rat blood on my underwear…) and flings it out the door for the chickens or opossums or whatever to snack on. Then I made him pull out all the rest of the drawers, hopefully finding and getting rid of the mama rat. We found her, but she ran away before he could put down the drawer and arm himself with the machete again.

I just spent 900 pesos (almost 30 dollars, a significant portion of my monthly stipend) on poison… rat poison, cockroach poison, ant traps, Raid spray, and half a Saturday cleaning and placing all this toxic goo. So aside from being totally grossed out (I had the willies all day) I was annoyed that this happened after so much time and financial investment. It was like they were laughing at me.

Well anyways, I really did have somewhere to be and how I was half an hour behind schedule so I had to hurry up and get going, and then my 9 am meeting to weigh sugar (as Claudette calls it) was a mess—literally, the KitchenAid mixer with 2 pounds of melted cocoa butter, 3 pounds of sugar and a pound of pure cacao paste was already turned on when they plugged it in and the whole gloppy mess fell all over the ceramic tile floor (in another entry I will blog about the lovely sanitation resources of our beautiful chocolatera). When we remade the mixture, the women ran it through a machine made for grinding cacao (to make the granulated sugar not feel so grainy, instead of paying for powdered sugar) and sprayed liquid milk chocolate all over themselves, the floor, the walls, the machine and anything else around (I, miraculously, escaped).

Ugh. Jo’s rat story still wins: I make no claims to be able to beat arriving to site to a bed invested by a family of rats, but I now have my own to share. Is it a rite of passage? Something to bond over, or just to laugh at (my mom and Cheryl sure got a good kick out of it yesterday…)?

In other news, the busted part of my toenail (Cheryl also thought that was funny… are we noticing a pattern here?) fell off and I’m on the mend. I handed out the last of the Actas de Nacimiento today, just in time for school registration (a convenient coincidence for me). I thought I had scabies but it seems to have cleared up without taking the medicine, so I’m thinking it was something else, which is good. Other than weighing sugar and passing out birth certificates, I haven’t been doing that much work, but I’ve definitely been busy. Mango season is just about over, but avocado season is off to a delicious, Omega-3-y start. I ate almost two whole ones today… that weight I’ve lost is going to be reappearing de una vez.

Oh yeah, and it’s been H-O-T. How am I going to survive the summer, and is my family ever going to forgive me for letting them come visit me in the hottest month of the year?

Stay tuned!

A New Universal Truth?

Forgive me for oversimplifying the Peace Corps experience, but I can’t believe a paragraph in the book I’m reading, “Nine Hills to Nambonkaha” by Sarah Erdman:

“… Near the edge of the table, she scatters her best-selling item, her backup, since vanity is a luxury for most of these women: Maggi flavoring cubes of all different persuasions—shrimp, onion, tomato, chicken, bushrat. They are the heart and soul of Ivorian cooking, the only source of spice other than dried hot pepper and bay leaves. The magic little blocks of MSG are a cheap substitute for any ingredient.”

Fellow Volunteers of the world (or at the very least, Ivory Coast and Dominican Republic): Know what I mean?

Lost in Space

It sounds worse than it is, but really I just can't remember who I have told what to, including the blog, and I don't feel like rereading. Ha!

Well, so let's start with concrete stuff. Literally. Concrete. As in CEMENT BLOCKS. And MY BIG TOE. They met yesterday, and the result was blood, tears, a busted-in-half big toe nail (so much for my nice pedi) and a seriously pissed-off Kira. Seeing as I was having a rough day (had to turn down an invite to do a tourist day, ending in a hotel and an Indian food dinner in Cabarette with some friends to attend MEETINGS, one of with was a total FAILURE in my community), I'm sure all who know me can imagine I was just Perky Polly after this.

Also, it seems I have SCABIES. Now, there's stigma attached to scabies in the US, but it's really, REALLY common here so don't go judging me. We pass it around Peace Corps like the common cold. Although, I haven't taken the medicine yet and it seems to be clearing up, so maybe I don't have scabies? Or, maybe it just comes and goes in cycles. Either way, I can't take the meds until I can WASH and DRY my clothes, bedding, towels in HOT water and HOT dryer. I don't want to talk about how much of a pain in the ASS it will be if I have to schlep all my stuff into the city and pay and arm and a leg to have everything laundered (including staying overnight to do it) because those things certainly aren't going to happen in my campo.

Moving on from these minor annoyances, I wanted to write about Camp GLOW (Campamento Estrellas de Hoy) and my birth certificate campaign.

Birth certificates first. Although it took, fully, TWO MONTHS longer than it should have, I have in my hot little hands the original paperwork for 18 newly declared Dominican munchkins. The population of the DR grew today. I gotta admit they are a little bit of a letdown--I was expecting thick paper with a four-color DR logo and forgery protection technology and what I got is preprinted forms filled in by hand on half-sheets of photocopied paper. Apparently the "master" is in the books they keep in the office and the "originals" that you have to get for all sorts of things are really just certified copies or something... Anyways, since I've been talking about Actas de Nacimiento since before I even got on the plane, I wanted to announce my success. Thank you, thank you... such applause isn't necessary. :)

Camp GLOW (July 14-18) went GREAT. It was a TON of work. I worked on the fundraising (thanks for your donations, thank you cards are in the mail!). I ended up designing our certificates (you MUST give a Dominican a certificate for ANYTHING they participate in) and helping with a t-shirt design file crisis (file got corrupted and the artist was on vacation). All turned out well though. I also co-facilitated a charla on income generation and the advantages of being a financially independent woman in today's society, including making Mistoline (floor disinfectant) and mentol (Vapor Rub) for all the participants. The two girls I brought, Alex and Yossi, live in the community next door to mine, but they were amazing. Alex is in the Brigada Verde (environmental awareness) group my neighbor volunteer has, and Yossi is in the ESCOJO group Dan (my predecessor) started. We had to fund raise to contribute as a community. The space we used was amazing, quiet, beautiful, breezy. Lots of nature and NO TRASH. It's an ecological reserve. The food was OK, the bathing situation not so great.



Coming into it, I was intimidated by the whole thing. Finding girls to bring had been difficult, and the idea of spending 5 days surrounded by people, especially teenagers, had me a little freaked out. I was excited about camp, but excited for it to be over. In the end, the girls were amazing and none of the drama or craziness that could have happened did. The girls learned about their bodies, about cultural relations, especially with Haiti. They learned how to put on condoms (I got teased for doing it too fast, IMAGINE that with all the action I get... HA). They had an open sessions to ask questions about sex, bodies, relationships called Conversaciones de la Cama, Pillow Talk. They talked about sterotypes, friendship, relationships, self-esteem. Aside from the fact that I was just exhausted, it couldn't have gone better. I'm still glad it's over, but I'm looking forward to next year too.

After a month and a half on the move and out of site, coming back has been a little difficult. My projects are at a standstill, but at the same time I've been able to have honest conversations with FUNDELOSA about redirecting my efforts, so now I'll be focusing on the chocolatera, where, hopefully, my efforts will make a difference. Things aren't going well with the youth candle business I'm supposed to be mentoring, and really look like they are about to crumble altogether. I'm trying not to blame myself, but I feel guilty about it. But then, I'd be willing to say that GUILT is one of the most significant emotions and experiences of Peace Corps.

Also, my mom had major back surgery a couple of weeks ago. Making the decision to stay here was not an easy one, and even though (thank goodness) everything went great and she's already improving, it still isn't easy. I feel awful for not having been there. I am so thankful that my family and friends are so supportive of me being here even though it has already meant missing several really important life events.

Sometimes I don't realize how big of a sacrifice PC is, and sometimes I do. Sometimes I realize all the other things I could be doing, experiencing. I am where I should be, but right now I am definitely aware of what I'm missing.

I feel tempted to move something good down here to the bottom to end on a more positive note, but I'll go with the way it came to me instead. Until next time!!!!

Chao!

Me mordio un perro!

In the Peace Corps, strange things happen. Or well, it might be more accurate to say that nothing that happens here is considered strange.

Friday, some stupid yappy dog ran out of his front gate and bit me on the back of the leg. Totally unprovoked. I was so mad. Anyways, so in training they gave us the three-part rabies vaccine, and if you ever get bit you have to have two more doses. So Friday afternoon I had to trek down to the PC office to deal with the vaccine stuff. It should have been relatively simple, except for the fact that both our doctors were in Guatemala for the regional PC med conference.

So, go to office to pick up vaccine and a note. Medical Secretary is "pretty sure" it's just one shot. I'm pretty sure I remember it being more. So anyways, I pretty much have to force her to call the doctor in Guatemala and double check, because it was going to make a difference if I needed to stay in the capital an extra day. Turns out it is two shots and I did need to stay. Lame.

Go I to the emergency room to ask them to shoot it into me. Arrive in ER and explain. Am asked: name, age, phone number, province where I live. Am not asked for ID. Am not asked to sign anything. Am not asked to see the dog bite. Sent to sit on the exam table. Given injection. Nurse took the bloody gauze in her bare hands to throw it away, and then rinsed her hands (no soap) and went back to work. Was done with process. Did not need to see doctor or sign anything for leaving. Neither the nurse nor any other medical staff in the ER had ever heard of the vaccine they were shooting into me.

Can you imagine showing up in an ER in the US with a rabies vaccine and them just saying "oh sure, over here, STAB, ok you can leave now."?

Aye, aye, aye.

I've been out of my site for so long, I need to go back today but I'm just not feeling motivated to do it. Oh, and it appears that someone accidentally, or on purpose, took a big bag of new stuff for my house out of the PC office so now I'm $1300 pesos poorer and I don't have the pillow, towel, kitchen stuff, etc. to show for it. Grr.

Dandome cuenta

Being in the capital for language training this week has been really interesting. The language classes have been fine, although not revolutionary, and being at my original host family’s house has actually been pretty great. I’ve been realizing that I might not ever become accustomed to living in the fishbowl; I prefer the anonymity of city life. In the city, we have that. I remember thinking it strange when I arrived that the houses are actually walled in on three sides and gated facing the street, so they are actually more isolated here than most parts of Portland, anyways.

In some of the conversations we’ve had this week I realized I have had some things to get off my chest. For now, what it boils down to is that the opportunism here, which probably exists in all developing countries, has me feeling constantly guarded. I feel disinclined to share, of my self or of my things. It bothers me that my levels of generosity and openness are shockingly low here. The only explanation I can find is a fear (is it well-founded?) that if I give an inch, many here will expect a mile. I’m not proud that my fear of being taken advantage of is preventing me from forming close relationships and opening myself up to those in my community. The custom of demanding and taking instead of asking and thanking me prende mi sangre (makes my blood boil). Even when it’s not directed at me. Give me a candy. Bring me water. Buy my product. Get me tal cosa. Take my picture (this one is exclusively directed at me). This is tricky because lots of people share with me, and I am always gracious (even though I am teased for it). I want to reciprocate, but I hesitate. There are plenty of people who practice good manners, both in the cities and in my campo. They show me that it not culturally unreasonable to expect it. Living in another culture has and continues to illuminate my own in surprising clarity.

We watched a Dominican movie, Sanky Panky, yesterday afternoon. It’s a satire about Dominican and American stereotypes that glorifies and perpetuates, most egregiously, the practice of being a Sanky Panky: one whose activities and efforts are directed to finding an American who will llevar you to the US. I think of it as visa hunting. I don’t think it’s funny and I certainly don’t think it’s something to be proud of. I don’t have any statistics about what is talk and what portion is real desire (as wonderful as the US is, I can’t imagine that all those who talk about it would actually go, given the opportunity), but there is a lot of talk about it. As far as relationships go here, this idea of being pursued as a means of getting llevared totally and completely turns me off to the idea of getting involved in the first place.

Not all Dominicans expect to receive. Plenty of Dominicans are gracious. Not all Dominicans are looking for their ticket to the American Dream. But some do. Many aren’t. And some are. And so, I am finding that my walls have gone up. Now, how do I bring them down?

Capital, Day Eight

I have been out of my site for 12 of the last 18 days, pretty impressive, right? WHY, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. First, I went to Bahia de las Aguilas in Pedernales to camp on an uninhabited beach in a national turtle sanctuary on the south coast at the Hatian border. It was beautiful, wonderful, amazing. The mosquitoes were murderous, but the company made up for it. We ate lots of mangos, got TWO flat tires, swam in the most amazing turquoise water I've ever seen and, in total, spent about 24 hours in buses and guaguas to make the trip. It was worth the trouble.

Then, after a quick respite at my house (which I am still getting settled into) it was back to the capital for a back-breaking, eyeball busting week of producing the Gringo Grita--the official magazine of PCDR, an amusing mix between The Onion and The New Yorker (closer to The Onion, though, let's be real). After 7 straight 12-hour days, using day 8 to get caught up on the email I've been neglecting for weeks, I'm about to head back to my site. It was a great experience though, and fun to be back in the saddle of publication design (although working in PageMaker 7.0 felt like I might as well have been using a typewriter). It was hectic but it was really great to see my fellow Volunteers--who have little experience but lots of energy and enthusiasm to learn--taking on the challenges and having lots of success.

It's Wednesday right now, and Sunday afternoon I'm coming back again for another week, this time 5 days of language training. That will be out in the suburbs of Santo Domingo instead of in the area by the office. Yay, Pantoja. About as exciting as a dental appointment.

In the last couple of months, a ton has been going on, but I can't say I've felt especially productive work-wise. My niece, Dakoda, was born at the beginning of May and that had me all funny for a few days. Dan, the other volunteer here, wrapped up and left so there were lots of logistics and coordination so I can follow up on his many projects throughout my service. Then June has and will continue to be lots of time out of site.

Remember Camp GLOW, the girls' empowerment camp I've been talking about and for which we asked for donations? Well, thanks to the generosity of our family and friends, we have the funding we need to put on the camp, which will be for 5 days in mid-July. I'm really looking forward to this. I'll be giving a charla with another volunteer on income generation projects the girls can do in their communities to make money with high-demand products that are easy and inexpensive to produce. It will be great!

I want you guys to read my friend Claudette's blog, the link is over on the right. She does a wonderful job of taking on and really explaining some of the nuanced aspects of the experience and what we deal with here. I am so close to myself right now that I see a lot of details and experiences without having a sense of the big picture, the perspective on how seemingly disparate things are inextricably related. She does a great job of this. I'm not sure if it's because she's so zanily perceptive or articulate or what, but she posts the blog entries I attempt. Mine turn out to be an update of activities, events, the occasional observation, but generally not the thoughtful, intense interpretations I yearn for. That's ok. Documenting what I'm doing and how I'm feeling is important too.

In any case, things are going well for me. My project is going great (as long as you put on your PC context goggles before looking at it) and if I'm not feeling more sure about who I am, what I'm doing or what my role or potential impact in my community might eventually be, then at least I'm not feeling so overwhelmed by this lack of important information. It has been stressful being compared to Dan, especially up in the neighborhood where I live now, and I haven't had much time to andar in the community to visit neighbors, meet everyone. On the other hand, our communities take such pride in having a Volunteer that in some ways it seems like it almost doesn't matter whether you do a little or a lot, they adore you. I haven't actually felt this myself yet, because everyone still talks to me about all the great things Dan did, and I wonder how I will ever measure up. But then, what I need to do is get over it and do my thing, work on my project, and trust that my contribution, whatever it turns out to be, will be of meaningful value for the individuals and the community as a whole in the end.

Although, I am THRILLED to offer an update on the long, difficult struggle I had since the beginning with making friends, fitting in and feeling sure about myself with the other Volunteers, especially in large numbers. It occurred to me that it is probably never reasonable to expect oneself to make friends, all at once, with 50 (and really, 150+) new people. So I stopped trying, relaxed, allowed myself to find the ones with whom I feel comfortable, accepted, valued. I'm not even a person who prefers a huge circle of friends, and now I am really making progress and picking up steam in forming meaningful friendships with a couple of my fellow Volunteers. I'm newly unaffected by the peer pressures of going out, partying, drinking and so on. If picking up some food at the supermarket, going back to the Pen, grabbing a book and the iPod and chilling out is what floats my boat, guess what, I'm doing it. And being in the capital has become exponentially less (although still significantly) stressful. I feel really proud of myself for this. It was a struggle, but I found my way and I feel like the rest of my service can be a pleasant experience of getting to know the people I'm working with instead of worrying what they think of me. GO ME!

I hereby resolve to write more thoughtful blog entries, at least occasionally, henceforth.
Until next time!

Photos

Finally, I had a few minutes to organize and upload some photos of the past couple of months or so. Please feel free to check them out!

My New House

It occurred to me that the desensitizing process we go through as PCVs, although rather handy as a survival mechanism, really has its downside. Two specific instances come to mind.

Sometimes I get a glimpse and realize that whole days have gone by without me noticing what a beautiful country I’m in. What can I say—garbage in the road and river, sewage smells in my nose, horse and cow poop in my shoes, mosquitoes biting, days at a stretch without water… mud… oh the mud. I guess it’s easy to get caught up in the details.

You get, if not “used to,” jaded about how long it takes to get anything done here. One of the manifestations of this for me is that I feel like I’m not accomplishing much, even though I feel busy almost all the time. It must be said quite honestly that the definition of “getting things done” is quite different here than stateside. But I realized today when I bumped into a couple other volunteers in Santiago and told them what I’ve been up to that it really isn’t as if I’m sitting around “watching the mangoes ripen,” as they say. It felt good.

###

In other news, I am happy to report that I have, after much anticipation, moved into my own house. There were a few stressful days to do with safety concerns my counterpart had and getting the electricity rigged up, but thankfully all have been worked out now. So, about the house (see more photos at the regular link).

The house is set on a high edge of the community and has excellent views from both front and back. There is a gate at the entrance, two mango trees (one of which has a hammock), several plantain trees, avocado, tamarind, mandarin and guava trees, and a garden than Dan started and I am going to try not to kill. The garden has cucumber, tomato, carrots, okra, spinach, lettuce, squash, melon, cilantro, dill, basil, beets, onions and more. Assuming I discover the green thumb in me, I should be able to eat a decent amount of vegetables, gracias a Dios.

The house is painted a cheery yellow and white. It is made of cement blocks and wood plans, with a zinc roof. The main house is divided into two rooms—a bedroom area and a living room/kitchen area. Attached to the back is a zinc-walled add-on with a jaguar (thatch) roof that I use for washing dishes and storage. Outside of the bedroom is a connected-but-outdoor shower, which, when there is water, provides a pretty decent experience. (I generally do have water, but this is the dry season and the aqueduct is low so they turn it off to ration consumption.) Out the other side of the house is the latrine. This isn’t so bad because it’s in pretty good shape, with a few caveats:

1: When you pee, some of it sneaks under the wall onto the floor. I’m looking into buying a can of caulk.

2: One of the floor boards is a little loose. I’m working on having it replaced so I don’t fall in the hole. That would be, well, unpleasant.

3: The bench is too high so I have to hop on and off to go. Aside from being annoying, this is worrisome because of #2 above. I am working on getting a step so I can reach more comfortably.

4: I pee in a bucket at night so I don’t have to go outside.

I cook on a tabletop gas stove, and keep all my food and dishes covered and sealed because of the ants, rats and cockroaches that are simply a fact of life here. (Remember earlier I mentioned becoming desensitized…) A neighbor brought me a mango the other day that I was really excited to eat for breakfast, but the rats beat me to it and I had to throw it out.

I did some grocery shopping yesterday in Puerto Plata, trying to get myself set up here. A few things I can’t do yet until I get the refrigerator purchased, but I’m making progress.

Anyhow, my new house is definitely a campo house in my campo community, but I’m certain we are going to get along just fine. I can’t wait for you to see it in real life! Did I mention how beautiful it is up here? Definitely worth the slightly hike-ish walk.

Dakoda Lyn

Please join me in welcoming my new, beautiful niece, Dakoda Lyn, to the world. She was born on Wednesday, May 7 and we are all thrilled to have her. Cal loves her like crazy, as you can see here. I knew this would be bittersweet, and it sure is. I wish I was there. Missing her birth has been pretty tough this week, and I'm finally knee-deep in my first real battle with homesickness. But hey, I made it 8 months, that's pretty good. Anyway, here she is. Perfect. Wonderful. I love her already. Congratulations to Heather, TJ and Cal. I love you!

The Latest

It’s been a while since I’ve updated the blog, sorry for those of you who read regularly. Hopefully I can bring things up to speed without writing a novel!

But before I update on my life in Peace Corps, I want to update on my life at HOME!!!! My sister gave birth to my new niece on Wednesday, May 7^th. Her name is Dakoda Lyn and she was 7 pounds and some ounces and 21 inches long. My mom says she looks like me!!!!! I haven’t seen pictures yet, but they tell me she’s beautiful, healthy, and wonderful. The birth went well and mother and baby are back at home. Cal is in love with his new baby sister, as I am sure TJ and Heather are as well. Congratulations to you guys, I love you!!! It was very sad for me to not be able to be there for the birth and to meet Dakoda, and this was one of my more homesick feeling weeks to date, but you guys were on my mind every minute and I can’t wait to meet Dakoda and see Cal and give you all real hugs!

OK, an update on my work activities.

When the other volunteer in my community leaves I’ll be taking over management of some grants he’s got in progress, so I’ll essentially be the accountant. One is a grant for his Escojo (health promoters) youth group, another is for Escojo expenses for the regional coordinator, who happens to be from my community, and then a few small scholarships for several kids in the community.

I’m also still working on the child declaration project. First thing next week I’ll pick up the paperwork from the office in my pueblo to take up to the provincial capital, and then it will take them a couple of weeks to process the forms. Then I can pick up that paperwork and bring it back to the pueblo and get the birth certificates made up.

We are at the half-way point in my 16-class English course, and things are going pretty well. I feel like they aren’t learning that much, but I’m trying to be realistic. We’re going to finish before all my trips and out-of-site work start in June, and then I’ll figure out what to do once July rolls around. I don’t want to stop if they are still interested in continuing, but we might take a different direction, and maybe just once a week so my evenings aren’t so full.

The cacao processing facility had its inauguration ceremonies a couple of weeks ago, which was great, but now we’ve all realized that business planning was not part of the requirements of their grant, and so they really don’t have any business planning done. They don’t know what their costs or prices are; how or what they are going to pay their workers; they don’t have a marketing or sales plan or packaging or a system in place of taking, communicating and fulfilling orders. Essentially, all the planning that a business plan addresses is absent, so the factory, before ever actually beginning, is already at a standstill. This has been pretty stressful recently, but I’m trying to help them see the topics they need to address and get some decisions made.

Another project within my organization is a bakery which operates like a business just like the chocolate factory, although they are more established and up and running. Their whole system of invoicing and billing is done by hand, for 48 schools every two weeks, and is incredibly tedious and time consuming. So I’ve been trying to help them computerize some of the forms so they can automate and copy-paste a lot of the stuff. This is a little dangerous because they only have one computer and there isn’t always electricity; and because computerizing things means they are going to want me to do it instead of struggle to learn themselves, but hopefully it will be worth it in the long run, both because it will make it necessary to learn to use a computer and because it will save a ton of time. I guess that means I also need to do computer training in my office.

Also coming up is Camp GLOW, the summer camp I am soliciting donations for, for a week in July. And June is the magazine and language training. I sound really super busy, and I feel busy, but in comparison to life in the states, I am so not busy. I mean, essentially 12 hours a day is devoted to sleeping or being in bed, so my window for productivity is quite a bit smaller. Also, lunch is 2 hours long, and I spend at least 30 minutes every morning drinking coffee. J

Alright, moving on… Until this week I have encountered very few instances of inappropriate behavior directed toward me that caused me to feel genuinely upset, offended or violated. This week, however, one of the men who works in my organization and is often on the verge of being inappropriate (innuendo-laden comments, telling me once I’d look nice sunbathing naked, general commentary on my clothes and body) crossed the line. He started caressing my back and tugging on my bra like he was going to unsnap it and asked me why I use it… Dominican women don’t… wink wink. I was really upset and offended and spoke with one of the women in the office about it and I’ll also be talking to my counterpart. I’m lucky because my encounters with harassment and discrimination in my life have been minor and infrequent, but this was a reality check. This is a good time to mention that cultural norms are different here, and the degree of physical contact and commentary of a physical or sexual nature that is generally acceptable here in the DR would be considered extremely inappropriate in the US. Keeping this in mind, I generally remind people who speak to me in ways I don’t like that I am American, not Dominican, and for me this or that is offensive, while not letting myself get too upset by it. However, I know the difference between feeling annoyed and feeling threatened, and when I feel threatened I have no problem speaking up and putting the other person at risk of looking bad (which is very serious here) in front of their community. And anyways, the couple of women I’ve told about this in the community agreed with me that this was out of line even by Dominican standards. And they gave me some good lines for telling off the skeezy dudes who go too far.

My moving date is getting so close I can taste it and I am so, so looking forward to it. I met with Dan and the co-owners of the house yesterday to do the rental contract, but we hit a snag which, although it should work out fine, has me in a bit of a tizzy. It’s the LUZ! Electricity in this country is such a pain in the ass. Basically, right now Dan has the house connected to his neighbor, and he chips in for her bill. But she doesn’t want this to continue because of lots of reasons that make perfect sense. So we either have to find a different neighbor who will let me connect, or run wire all the way down to the nearest transformer and connect “legitimately” and set up a contract with the electrical company. Either way I am going to have to invest money up front to buy the electrical wire to make the connection, and then reduce my rent payment to recuperate the investment. The problem with the first scenario is that the houses up there are pretty far apart; also, if we do it this way I might not be able to have a refrigerator because of the amount of current they draw. The problem with the second scenario is that the transformer where you make a “real” connection is really far away and the wire to do it would be a huge expense up front (although we agreed on a limit for the investment I’m willing to make—and they’ll have to cover what remains); also, connecting directly would require a contract, and I am not allowed to have contracts and the two guys who own the house already have reached the limit of contracts they can have in their name. Also, with the second option, it’s possible that the whole thing could drag out if the owners have to come up with any significant quantity of money to connect the house, which could mean that I either have to wait longer to move in or live there without electricity until it gets resolved. Aside from the fact that I find this generally annoying and worrisome, it is compounded because I’m going to be out of site (and thus not around to nag people about getting stuff done) almost all of June! I really want to get moved it, set up and settled BEFORE I’m gone for the better part of a month. Dan and I are both pretty adamant that the whole thing needs to be resolved and taken care of in its entirety before he leaves the community on like, May 22, so hopefully we’ll be able to make that happen.

So, I guess that’s it for now. I think I touched on all the more exciting things that are going on. I promise to take pictures of the house just as soon as I get moved in, and I’ll get them online as soon as I can. Thanks to everyone for keeping in touch! Keep the great e-mails coming!!!! Tuesday, May 18 is my 8-month anniversary in-country!!!! Go me!

Love,

Kira

Children's Books

Hey Everyone! I'm trying to collect some spanish-language children's books to read to kids in my community. I found a bunch along the lines at Chronicle Books, so I made a wishlist. They're pretty cheap! I'm so shameless! Any kinds of short children's stories in spanish would be great, not just the ones on the list. Go to this website to see my wishlist.



Thanks! I'll blog soon!
Kira

April 9, 2008

I can’t believe it—I’m days away from the “quarter-mile mark” of my Peace Corps experience. April 13 will be my 7-month anniversary in the Dominican Republic. I can’t believe so much time has already gone by, or that three-quarters of my time remains. It’s not as though I am counting the days until I go; I am pretty content and generally pleased with my experience so far (I qualify “pleased” and “content” because of the daily, weekly, monthly ups and downs—every day completed is another battle won) and I can feel myself learning, growing and changing. Sometimes it’s empowering, sometimes it’s painful, always it’s powerful.

I am still searching for where I fit within my counterpart organization and trying to resolve my desire to help them on an organizational level with my instinct that the bureaucracy between our “branch” office and the main office in Santo Domingo will prevent me from doing so. Also, although they are certainly “Dominican” about it, these guys are educated (as in at a university, generally, across the organization) and competent. In many ways, positive ways, I am not sure they even need a volunteer. Although with more applied skills and with the youth group, I feel more useful. I have not decided yet whether I want to be focused more in the organization or in the community using the organization as a home base and source of support, but clearly I’m leaning toward the latter. It’s Peace Corps’ “work in your project sector” mantra that keeps me from choosing confidently (or, more accurately, confidently embracing my choice) because of my deeply engrained compulsion to follow rules and do what I am “supposed to do.”

But, I’m doing pretty well, and a few projects are getting up and going (although, again, not within my actual project, but like a friend said, we are “cross-sectoral queens” and getting a little momentum is good for confidence). My English class has started and I have 10 students; things are going pretty well so far. Progress is being made with the child declaration project. The youth group at my organization successfully produced Mistoline—a very profitable income generation project—and is selling it in the community. The youth candle business has hosted a couple of candle-making workshops with some girls to generate interest and hopefully help in the business, and we are working on developing a partnership with another community group to help us sell the products. Planning for the girls’ summer camp is moving along; I am working on a handout for community-based fundraising ideas that volunteers will use to come up with the community contribution required to attend the camp. I’ve got a couple of trips coming up, and hopefully the Gringa Grita, plus my week-long language workshop so there’s quite a bit going on inside and outside of site.

But like I said, other than a couple of very basic brochures, my involvement and contribution in the projects managed by my organization have been limited to attending the activities and meetings. They keep mentioning ideas for more consultative projects but not finding (or making) the time to develop the idea with me and plan goals and expectations. I am to blame for this also because I have not been applying strong enough or consistent enough pressure to force something to come out of the wash, but I’ve got to be honest—that struggle isn’t especially appealing to me!

Personally I’m doing well, but some days are definitely happier, more content, easier, and so on than others. Moving into my own house is still at the top of my list and front of my thoughts. Once I get that taken care of, I’ll probably have more thoughtful things to say about my state of mind and well-being than I’m antsy to get moved out. Stay tuned!

Interesting things happen here

On Easter, our gas stove ran out of gas so for dinner we ate cold leftovers from lunch. Then, we went to the gallera (cock fight). Before any of this, though, someone drowned in the river. I’m still unclear on what happened, but there were other people in the river at the time. I found it upsetting that it appeared nobody tried to help him. News travels fast and before there was time for the medico to show up and remove the body, probably a good hundred-plus people had gathered on the riverbank to gawk. I’m not proud to say I was one of them, but to my credit I didn’t actually figure out what they were going on about until I got there and saw for myself.

I discovered a new unsavory creature recently. Apparently the Dominican Republic has scorpions (or small, scorpion-like creatures). Where did I discover it? On my bare foot, preparing to sink its pincers into me. What did the Dominicans tell me? Cuidate, esa pica duro! (Loosely translated: Careful, that hurts like hell if it bites you!). Thanks, guys.

Plumbing in my community is still fairly unsophisticated. What I mean is that although we have running water from an aqueduct, everything is on a septic system as far as waste water goes. Well, the septic tank for our kitchen sink filled up, oh, two weeks ago, so it doesn’t drain anymore. The solution is build a new septic tank (not drain the existing one), and two weeks later there has been no sign of this work beginning. So, we use the sink and scoop the water out and dump it outside. Super fun. Yesterday, Susa found a little frog playing in the sink. Dominicans aren’t scared of cockroaches, rats, HUGE spiders, but they hate, hate, hate frogs. Hero Kira to the rescue, I scooped the frog and chucked it outside. You would have thought I had saved the house from near destruction, but I was glad to feel useful.

My community has a relatively bustling economy. It is definitely a campo—not a pueblo and definitely not a city—in size, scale, complexity and services, but it is growing in population, quality of life available products and services. They are building constantly. During Semana Santa (week before Easter) a new business opened up, which can most closely be described as a bar—we have colmados and cafeterias here already, but this has more seating, covered seating, a sound system, etc. Also, I learned yesterday that my counterpart (who is already incredibly busy and overworked) is having the guy who owns, well, kindof everything here, build a little shop she can rent and have a little tienda de ropa, or clothing store. This is starkly contrasted to one of my neighbor volunteers who lives a 45 minute walk away (maybe 3 miles) farther into the campo and has one colmado (bodega) and one banca (where you play the lottery) in his whole community.

I saw a frog get tortured and murdered tonight while I was eating dinner. My “host nephew” was having a birthday so his mom did a sopado (a tasty chicken and rice soup with tons of salt and preservatives cooked over, essentially, a campfire in a HUGE pot). You know, cook outside, eat outside. It’s the Dominican equivalent of a backyard bbq. Well, so some kid found a frog and somehow trapped it for a while so he could dig a hole in the ground in which to torture it. Then he puts this frog in the hole, takes a branch out of the fire and pokes the hell out of the poor frog with the red hot end of the stick. When the frog finally escaped and leaped away (and I, sitting innocently nearby almost got clobbered by a mob of Dominican women and their children who have some absurd fear of frogs) they chased it down and clubbed it until it literally exploded its guts all over. This is literally while I’m sitting there with my bowl balanced on my knees eating dinner. Granted, it was a rather large frog, perhaps even a rather large toad, and I wouldn’t have wanted to sit too close to it but it was rather disturbing watching it be tortured and beaten into oblivion.

I had a very, very busy last week and a half or so. The rundown: last weekend I was in Jarabacoa. I got back on Monday and had to help my counterpart with a presentation. Tuesday I had office stuff, and in the afternoon a workshop in the candle fabrica, and then a 2-3 hour impromptu meeting with Dan. Wednesday I had office stuff and then my first English class. Thursday office in the morning. Workshop in the fabrica again. Meeting/dinner/anniversary party in the evening up at Dan’s house for the candle business. Friday in the morning office and a meeting with Dan. In the afternoon birth certificate meeting. In the evening youth group meeting. Saturday in the morning plan English class. In the afternoon/evening produce Mistoline. Sunday am 27 Charcos again and in the afternoon English class. WOW, right?

Photos

Should be some new ones uploaded today!

Dominican onions are tasty!

Oh my gosh I can’t believe I said that. And I meant it! Wow, what’s happening to me? It’s true though, especially if you sauté them until their kind of brown and crispy—they’re just delicious. Oh, I know Michele, I’m abandoning you in our carte blanche distaste for onions, but I can’t help it. Please forgive me. Who knows if this palatial evolution is permanent, American onions might very well still offend me. Only time will tell.

In other news, we are in Semana Santa now (Holy Week) and although this doesn’t affect me, it is ironic that the beaches on the north coast are closed this week, one of the peak vacation times in the Dominican Republic. Bummer for the tourist industry, and major bummer for the tourists who paid top-dollar to come here and won’t be able to visit the beach.

Holidays here are interesting and seriously over-hyped. Now having been here for Christmas, New Year and Semana Santa, the reality does not live up to the hype. Unintuitively, this has not been especially disappointing for me, but just interesting to observe. The only thing that really happens to scale is the influx of people who come back to the campo from the city to visit their families. Generally not being a fan of large family gatherings for extended periods of time, this is the aspect of holidays in the DR that makes me cringe. Suddenly there are lots of new people, everywhere, for several days. Some seem not to notice my presence, most seem not to particularly care. Regardless, I feel obliged to meet them and compelled to retreat and find a safe place. Only, there’s nowhere to go. Extended family is everywhere. I guess I’m getting used to the constant presence of the people in my community who are constantly present, but all these new people make it like starting over.

However, in the spirit of community integration and cultural exploration, I went to the Thursday-before-Easter Catholic church services yesterday in the chapel in my community. In fact, not only did I go to the service, I got tapped to read one of the scriptures. Aside from the fact that the whole Bible, apparently uses future and vosotros verb forms (which are practically never used in spoken Spanish here, and thus still foreign to my tongue), I’d say it went well. I have a sneaking suspicion I’m getting llevar-ed to the Evangelical service in the loma today on a mule with my “host grandpa,” who is the minister or something.

***

The latest issue of the Gringo Grita came out last week, and in it were the Close-of-Service surveys for the group of volunteers that will be leaving in May. Reading these caused me to reflect on what my COS survey might look like when the time comes; reading them caused me to consider the ways I think I might change, the things I might learn.

A few hypotheses…

- I think I will learn how to truly embrace and accept my introverted side.

- I think I will be more comfortable being uncomfortable (both physically and emotionally).

- I will be even more willing to take a risk if I think the possible outcome is worth the trouble.

- I will make significant progress through my “Mid-Twenties Renaissance,” an experience coined by my friend Claudette.

- I will have had a meaningful opportunity to explore my values and beliefs and think about who I want to be and how I want to live my life.

- I will be more comfortable knowing what I want to do or what will make me happy and doing it without concern for how others perceive it; if they have a problem, they don’t accept me anyways.

- I will be more understanding and accepting of my family.

- I will be more used to and comfortable with kids.

Also, a strange observation on the activities of my mind when allowed to wander: Although I am generally happy and content here I find that I spend a surprising amount of time calculating what remains of my 27-month service and imagining what my life might look like and what directions I might go upon its completion. Is my inability to live exclusively in the present, without looking ahead to what may or may not happen in the future, an intrinsic flaw? I must work on this. I hereby commit (to try) to not plan the next official stage of my life until I am physically in the United States. (However, I permit myself to make plans for a transition period between arriving and beginning the next “official” stage.)

***

Housing update: Still waiting to move into Dan’s house in mid-late May. Feeling eager. Feeling anxious. Hanging in there. Told him he was prohibited from extending again. Was reassured this will not be a problem. Accepted said reassurance with warning that if it should change, he will be forced to co-habitate with me because I’m moving in May. J

***

Wishlist update:

- I’m trying to take up yoga/pilates. If anyone has instructional DVDs laying around that aren’t getting used, I’d love to take them off your hands. (Don’t go buying stuff, though).

- What’s new in the music world? Burned CDs I can import into iTunes on my computer would rock my world.

- Movies (DVDs), magazines (Health and Self are my favorites)

- Chocolate! Luna/Pria/Mojo Bars!

- Off Deep Woods spray mosquito repellent with DEET (a couple people sent me this before and it works great… it’s in a green bottle).

- Soft & Dri deodorant (DermaStripe or PowerStripe).

- Printed pictures of whatever you all have been up to!

***

Activity update:

I’m in the beginning or planning stages of: income generation project (making/selling floor disinfectant) with the youth group; English classes; a campaign to get kids declared who don’t have birth certificates (and thus are not recognized as existing by the government and all the implications and limitations “not existing” entails). Camino de Luz is meeting regularly. We had been out of production for a while because of a materials/cash flow problem, but we finally got the paraffin and are back in production, thank goodness. Planning for Camp GLOW is coming along nicely, as part of the fundraising committee, I have been working on writing a grant to get funding and creating an ideas sheet for community-based fundraising (each community that sends girls has to make a financial contribution).

I’ve made it my goal in the next few months to spend my transportation budget more on traveling than on trips to the Capital (actually this will be a sacrifice because it means less access to good internet and mail), but I really want to make sure I see the country while I’m here and make a point to visit other volunteers. So, next weekend I’m going to visit Ben and Claudette in Jarabacoa (I’ve already been there once, but it was a really quick visit). In mid-April I’m going to visit Robyn in Sabana de la Mar. In May I have to go to the Capital for a GLOW meeting but I have to go for a doctor appointment anyways so I should be able to get reimbursed. Also in late May or early June is the next production cycle of Gringo Grita, of which I will be participating, which is about a week in the Capital. In June I’m planning to go to Bahia de las Aguilas near Pedernales for two nights of camping on what is, from what I understand, one of the most beautiful and pristine beaches in the country. Also in June I have to go to the Capital for my 6-month language workshop and a sector meeting. In July is Camp GLOW, in August is Celebrando Cibao and a camping trip with the youth group at Fundelosa. The spring and summer are shaping up to be busy and full of interesting excursions.

Okay, so that seems like a pretty thorough rundown on what’s new with me. Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the next installment. Miss you, love you, talk to you later!!!!

Kira

PS. New pictures should be online!

Just an update

Hi everyone who reads my blog. Thanks for visiting again!

So since the last time I posted, which was right after my IST in La Vega, not a lot has happened, and yet plenty of stuff has happened. Funny how things go like that, right? Well, between the end of my IST and this past Sunday I was having a pretty hard time. Nothing happened, but I was feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and generally anxious. About lots of things. Of course work and projects (or lack there of at this point) is difficult, but through the patience of a few great folks here I think I've decided that the main source of difficulty is that I'm still living with my host family (and all the privacy/personal space/control of environment issues that entails). Now, I want to be very clear that my host family is pretty top-notch--they respect me, my space, my American oddities. They are nice to me, they are nice to each other. They love their kids. Stuff like that. But for me, the very nature of host family life makes me bristle. So, don't think bad thoughts about the host family.

Anyway, yesterday I presented my community diagnostic (this is the thing I also presented for Peace Corps at IST) to my community. It went pretty well but it was lucky that we scheduled it during the weekly meeting of the women's group at Fundelosa (the women who will be working in the cacao processing facility when it opens) because even though I invited 16 community groups/organizations/the school directors, etc. maybe 3 of those groups sent 1-4 people (closer to 1). So there were a total of about 40 people but 30+ of them were already there from their other meeting. Oh well, I actually was happy with how it went (although they were kind of bored) and it was an opportunity for me to be in front of the "community" and show them what I've been doing. I've been trying to find things I can say "yes" to and build up some momentum and confidence. I'm also holding an informational meeting about a short, basic English course on Monday, so we'll see how that goes. I wouldn't be starting classes until April though because the world stops in the DR the week before Easter (Semana Santa).

I also got an opportunity to have a couple good talks with my counterpart to plan some focused activities to help me get directly oriented to the office activities, rather than kindof being there and trying to learn by osmosis. We also got to talk about how we will try to work together and our system for that which was very helpful. We are going to start by meeting weekly away from the confusion and hubub of the office to make sure I know what activities are going on and what we want to accomplish. So I feel good about that for now too.

A couple of fun activities are coming up. Tomorrow I'm meeting with Dan to begin the process of doing a birth certificate campaign (this is work but I'm really excited about it); Friday I'm going to a gardening workshop and on a hike with the youth group; Sunday Dan and I are having a pot luck at "our" house for the volunteers in our area. These will all be fun. I hope!

Anyways, I'll be in touch soon!
Thanks for visiting!
Kira

3-month IST

Hello!

My, it's been a while. Today has a theme.

Since last Wednesday until yesterday afternoon, I have been at my 3 month In-Service Training for my Community Economic Development at Peace Corps. For those of you who are geographically savvy, we were in Guaigui, La Vega. Actually, the facility we were using is the former house of a former DR president, Balaguer (maybe spelled incorrectly, who knows).

In any case, this was a pretty important mark in my service so far. Basically, the first day and a half or so was a work session with the volunteers and our project partners. I was able to bring someone from Fundelosa, my main project, as well as someone from the candle business I'm working with. I have mentioned my diagnostic several times over the months, and this was the culmination of my diagnostic project. Each of us gave a 20 minute presentation summarizing the results of our diagnostic reports (mine ended up 12 pages in Spanish). After that it was working and planning projects and priorities with our partners. I didn't really feel like this part of the event was particularly useful, because the work sessions were mickey mouse and I really didn't come away from it with any better idea of what I'm going to do as a volunteer.

Things improved greatly after the project partners left and we began the training portion of the week. I got some really good ideas for projects and how to go about some ideas I had already come up with. I learned about a free opensource accounting software (which I have been unsuccessful at downloading, grr) and some tips for teaching English (which everyone wants but the idea has been too intimidating for me to seriously consider). We spent some quality time with the other volunteers and got to hear about projects the more experienced volunteers have been working on.

I'm going to be translating my diagnostic into English for archiving purposes in case I might want it for a job later on or something, and I'll be sending one or the other or both to people who seem interested, but if you want to make sure I send it to you, just shoot me an email.

La Vega is (I think) the "best" Carnaval site in the country, and actually attending was a "training activity" for our group. The other sectors had already finished their ISTs, but since ours was still in session they still wanted us to be able to go. You can see lots of pictures on my Picassa site (link to the right). I don't really know much about the history or point of Carnaval other than in most countries it coincides with the beginning of Lent, but not here. Basically it was just a lot of people with the monsters parading by. They have these balloon things filled with wax so they are really hard and if they wail on anyone whose ass is available, especially if you enter the street. There were a bunch of us there, and it was a pretty good time but I don't know what the fuss is about, other than it was a fantastic opportunity to take some really striking photos. I didn't end up getting hit at all, but I was being really careful. Several people in our group have rediculous bruises.

Up until IST, the name of the game at site has been working on the diagnostic, getting a sense of what's going on and getting integrated into the community. Some people have already been doing work and actively participating, but not me so much. Now that IST and diagnostic is over, this is when we are to begin planning and implementing organizational, community and personal projects at our sites. This is overwhelming on a number of levels, and getting started is the hardest part, I think. I have lots of ideas of things I might want to do, but figuring out what order to pursue them and how to go about it is tricky. I am feeling nervous about going back to my site today, but part of that is just that this is the longest time I've been out of site. The nice thing is that I have a meeting on the 29th in the capital, and I'm going to go in a day or two early to use my "free" days for February, so I have about a week in my site and then I'll be out for three days, so it will be good for me to get in and be able to come back out again before too long.

In any case, it's strange. There is so much to say about what I'm doing here but it's pretty impossible to describe. Someone described PC to me as like developing a photograph, and that the image won't become clear until sometime after the whole experience has concluded. She was exactly right when she said that. I really want to have some way to record my evolution and experiences over this time, and I guess this blog is the way to do it. It will be interesting to look back a year or so after I return to the states and remember how I was feeling and all the things I went through. As much as there's so much that can't possibly be included, I hope I am at least getting the general idea across. Let's just say whatever one thinks PC will be, it will be different. Better, worse and just generally different.

Okay, that's all for now. Keep the emails coming, and thanks for all the support!

More later!

Realtime

Hey folks,

It's not very often that I get to write on the blog and post it right away, so even though I already put up four or something posts plus pictures today, I thought it would be nice to add one now, especially since I actually have some interesting things to report.

I'm in the capital again, although not for as long this time (I'm leaving tomorrow morning). The purpose of this visit is Committee Weekend, which is basically every four months there's a weekend devoted to all kinds of committees, so that volunteers can go to the various meetings they need to be at in one trip. Committees are things like the Volunteer Advisory Committee (gives input to PCDR Administration), Website Committee, Gringo Grita (the Onion-esque publication I'll be working on the next cycle, I hope), and various conference committees to plan and put on activities to do with self esteem, diversity, gender empowerment and so on.

So even though the specifics of my in-site, project related work are still unclear (more on that later), I have now signed up to participate in Gringo Grita, probably doing the majority of the layout/design stuff; I am on the fund-raising committee for Camp GLOW, a week-long summer camp that volunteers put on and we each bring a couple girls to participate in activities related to self-esteem and empowerment, health, rights etc.; and I'm also going to participate in a different conference called Celebrando Cibao, a regional diversity conference that lasts 2 or 3 days and we bring in speakers and workshop leaders to talk and lead activities on ethnic, gender, racial, religious and whatever else kind of diversity we can think of. Especially the fund-raising for Camp GLOW will be really good for my resume because it's a pretty big deal as far as price tags go, I think they said the operating budget is something like US$10,000, which in Peace Corps money is quite a lot. Plus, both events sound like a lot of fun.

Yesterday I went to a meeting for Brigada Verde, which is the youth group initiative for the Environmental Education group, and although I'm not sure exactly what form it will take, I think I'm going to use some of their materials in my primary project. What happens is my counterpart organization, Fundelosa, has numerous projects including a youth group. One of the underlying themes of all the projects Fundelosa manages is environmental education and conservation, and they want me to participate pretty actively in the youth group. So I don't know if I will migrate the youth group to be Fundelosa/Brigada Verde per se, but I've gotten pretty good feedback from the PC and Fundelosa folks about at least using some of their charlas and activities and such as something I can contribute.

It's interesting because I am finding at least as many opportunities for interesting projects outside of my official CED project plan and assignment as within in. I found 30+ kids while doing my surveys who don't have their Acta de Nacimiento (birth certificates, very important!) so I think I want to do an initiative to help get their documents sorted out. I also really like the idea of working with the environmental stuff. Some of the health/gender/environment activities and secondary projects seem more applicable and adoptable than some of the CED stuff. My community, even though it's pretty developed, is still a bit of a reach to have relevance for some of the key aspects of the CED stuff.

Anyhow, I finally finished my community surveys (thank goodness) and when I get back to my site tomorrow afternoon I will be spending the next week fairly devoted to compiling my data, writing my community & organizational diagnostic report and building my presentation for my In-Service Training which is Feb. 13-18. I have a few commitments fit in there as well to work with Camino De Luz (the candle business) and a meeting or two, but it will work out. I'm really looking forward to the whole diagnostic process being over. For one, it was kind of a pain in the ass, and for two, it really hasn't resulted in a whole lot of particularly valuable information for me, either on a social level or on a programmatic level. Also, at the IST I'll be able to finally outline my project/work goals for my first year of service so that when I get back to my site I can work on planning and thinking about starting my own projects. I'm very, very much looking forward to having my own life/schedule/work/projects and things so that I feel more in charge of my life. Communication is frustratingly indirect here, so I am forever not knowing about meetings and activities until the very last minute or sometimes even after the fact. It will be nice to have my own activities and work to do.

So here are a few things on my brainstorming list of ideas for my work projects:
- Youth group for Business Plan Competition (12-week business skills course, the writing of a basic business plan, and a 3-day conference)
- Computerize the data for the micro-credit and solar panel projects at Fundelosa
- Brigada Verde (environmental education) stuff with the youth group at Fundelosa
- Income generation projects and workshops (home-made household products) with the women's group at Fundelosa
- Get computers donated to Fundelosa, get the office computerized and the data transfered
- Do computer skills training with office staff
- Do organizational, project and performance evaluations for Fundelosa and staff
- Improve data keeping and administration of Camino de Luz
- Work on marketing/promoting and developing new sales opportunities for Camino de Luz products
- Get Fundelosa online
- Help develop and launch a website for Fundelosa
- Work on Actas de Nacimiento (birth certificates)
- Camp GLOW, Celebrando Cibao

This is getting pretty long, but hopefully this helps give a more concrete idea of the kinds of things I might be doing here in the upcoming months and years. Life is pretty good, no major complaints. Although I am still very much looking forward to moving out on my own, I am adjusting to life in the host family's house, although not completely. I just have to remember that everyone's site and experience is different, everyone's trials and tribulations are different, and do the best I can with what I've got to work with internally and externally at my site. Especially when I come to the capital and actually have a chance to talk to other volunteers. We are all doing well though. Hanging in there. Finding our way. Looking forward to feeling sure, confident and under control. I know I'll get there though.

Anyhow, take care! Thanks for reading!!!! Oh, and if your looking at my Facebook, I'm holding a newborn pig. View all about it at the pictures link. :)

Pigs and Publisher and Goats, Oh My

Oh, it’s been an interesting couple of days in a pretty funny Peace Corps kind of way.

To all my current and future fellow lovers of publication design and the Adobe Creative Suite, I must confess. I used Microsoft Publisher. No, it’s worse. I installed it on my computer. I feel horrible about it, but, aside from the fact that it’s not available here (literally or cost-wise), inDesign just isn’t sustainable in the Peace Corps. Oh man, could you imagine trying to teach people who don’t know how to set a margin in Word about all the beautiful complexities of graphic design software. I used it for my official Peace Corps business card, but I’m also about to get roped into to building a brochure for Fundelosa about the chocolate factory they are getting ready to launch.

Friday, I woke up and sat outside drinking my morning café con leche. Sitting there, I noticed there were six or so goats hanging around the house, and I thought to myself Hey, I wonder why there are so many chivos hanging out today. And then it left my mind and I went to the office to install (as previously confessed) Publisher on my computer and the desktop at the office. When I came home for lunch, I figured out about those goats. Their skins were on the ground. Their heads on the cement table. Their bodies chopped up into five-gallon buckets. Two hundred fifty pounds of chivo in all.

Saturday, I woke up to a ruckus (which is sadly normal here, but this was a special, extra-hurried ruckus) and discovered that the pregnant pig in the posigla out back had gone into labor and was dar-ing luz to an indeterminate number of puercitos. I really wanted to watch so I grabbed my camera and headed out to watch the action. All said and done, she delivered 11 piggies, but one died mid-term (they chucked it into the foliage with the placenta for the dogs…). I got some great pictures!

After that, at noon, we went to some crazy neighborhood block party and proceeded to eat the 250 pounds of previously slaughtered goat. And drink. And dance. And sit around for 7 hours listening and dancing to merengue and bachata. Rob came and visited for the day and then stayed the night in a neighbor’s extra bed. He got in on the goat and rum action as well, checked out the pigs and we ate fried chicken and tostadas (grilled ham and cheese sandwiches) for dinner.

Today was a long day (SUNDAY) of meetings at the office (SUNDAY, did I mention it’s SUNDAY?). We were there from 9-5. It was in Spanish. Meetings in Spanish are still generally indecipherable for me. I’m exhausted.

Oh, and I learned a new phrase today.

To fart is hacer peo. Hehhehhehehe.

Daily Life

What’s it like here? Well, this changes depending on what stage I’m in. Training in Santo Domingo was different than in CBT; my first month here, before my diagnostic, was different than now; right after my IST in February will be different from now as well as different from whatever routine I might settle into as my work and projects get underway. However, since you asked…

I usually wake up around 630 or 7 to a racket, and then doze until 8 or so if I can tune out the banging and shouting and rearranging of furniture that defines campo mornings. Then I usually lay around until about 830 before getting out of bed. Sometimes I go to the Fundelosa office in the mornings, but since I don’t really do anything there yet I get bored quickly. Sometimes I wander around the community in the morning visiting people or doing various errand-y tasks. Sometimes I stay at home, drink a coffee, tidy up my room, do laundry, take a shower, read/write, etc.

Either way, lunch is at noon and I usually eat at 1230. Camp life stops from 12-2, so sometimes after lunch I take a siesta (two things on this: 1) They don’t use siesta here. They say echar una pavita, which roughly translated means “To throw a little turkey,” but echar is a verb that doesn’t translate well and has many meanings. 2) Contrary to popular belief, my experience has been that Dominicans don’t nap and they find me peculiar for doing so.)

Usually I work on my surveys (at this writing, 70 out of 100 are completed) from 2-5ish, and then I meander back up home. Dinner is usually around 630 and then I hang around until 830 or 9 when I go to my room for the night. Sometimes I go right to sleep, but usually I read or write for a while.

It’s not that I have anything against hanging out with the family, but the TV they watch bores me to tears (and the chairs are really uncomfortable, and they change the channel constantly), and if it’s not TV it’s some mundane conversation entirely void of details that I can’t follow. So I get bored and go to my own thing.

Sometimes I have to go the pueblo and that eats at least half a day. More if I am accompanying a Dominican.

Here are some examples of meals here:

Breakfast:

Either fresh-squeezed juice or a hot drink made from pureed and strained oatmeal (rather tasty but I’d rather have a bowl of oatmeal AND either two pieces of bread (like a dinner roll) or a pack of saltine crackers roughly the quantity of three graham crackers, sometimes with squeaky cheese. I also usually make myself a coffee.

Lunch:

Salad (shredded cabbage, sometimes with shredded carrots or a cucumber or beets) with oil, vinegar and salt. Meat, usually pork or chicken. Rice (white, seasoned or with beans/lentils). If the rice doesn’t have beans/lentils, sometimes there are habichuelas (red beans in a yummy sauce). Sometimes there is a scary looking but tasty eggplant dish or yummy potato salad instead of rice. But that’s pretty much the extent of the variety for lunch.

Dinner:

Two piece of bread (same as breakfast) with the hot oatmeal drink again; cream of wheat (except its made with corn); or fried ham or salami and tostones or other root vegetable.

Yep. That’s a pretty thorough summary of my diet here. Notice the 3 square meals and 6 servings of fruit and vegetables. Maybe when I’m on my own. To be fair, though, having talked to several people from my training group this week, my situation in general with my host family is relatively good in comparison. It will still be a challenge to stay until May when I can move into my own place, but at least I know it could be worse.