Capital, Day Eight

I have been out of my site for 12 of the last 18 days, pretty impressive, right? WHY, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. First, I went to Bahia de las Aguilas in Pedernales to camp on an uninhabited beach in a national turtle sanctuary on the south coast at the Hatian border. It was beautiful, wonderful, amazing. The mosquitoes were murderous, but the company made up for it. We ate lots of mangos, got TWO flat tires, swam in the most amazing turquoise water I've ever seen and, in total, spent about 24 hours in buses and guaguas to make the trip. It was worth the trouble.

Then, after a quick respite at my house (which I am still getting settled into) it was back to the capital for a back-breaking, eyeball busting week of producing the Gringo Grita--the official magazine of PCDR, an amusing mix between The Onion and The New Yorker (closer to The Onion, though, let's be real). After 7 straight 12-hour days, using day 8 to get caught up on the email I've been neglecting for weeks, I'm about to head back to my site. It was a great experience though, and fun to be back in the saddle of publication design (although working in PageMaker 7.0 felt like I might as well have been using a typewriter). It was hectic but it was really great to see my fellow Volunteers--who have little experience but lots of energy and enthusiasm to learn--taking on the challenges and having lots of success.

It's Wednesday right now, and Sunday afternoon I'm coming back again for another week, this time 5 days of language training. That will be out in the suburbs of Santo Domingo instead of in the area by the office. Yay, Pantoja. About as exciting as a dental appointment.

In the last couple of months, a ton has been going on, but I can't say I've felt especially productive work-wise. My niece, Dakoda, was born at the beginning of May and that had me all funny for a few days. Dan, the other volunteer here, wrapped up and left so there were lots of logistics and coordination so I can follow up on his many projects throughout my service. Then June has and will continue to be lots of time out of site.

Remember Camp GLOW, the girls' empowerment camp I've been talking about and for which we asked for donations? Well, thanks to the generosity of our family and friends, we have the funding we need to put on the camp, which will be for 5 days in mid-July. I'm really looking forward to this. I'll be giving a charla with another volunteer on income generation projects the girls can do in their communities to make money with high-demand products that are easy and inexpensive to produce. It will be great!

I want you guys to read my friend Claudette's blog, the link is over on the right. She does a wonderful job of taking on and really explaining some of the nuanced aspects of the experience and what we deal with here. I am so close to myself right now that I see a lot of details and experiences without having a sense of the big picture, the perspective on how seemingly disparate things are inextricably related. She does a great job of this. I'm not sure if it's because she's so zanily perceptive or articulate or what, but she posts the blog entries I attempt. Mine turn out to be an update of activities, events, the occasional observation, but generally not the thoughtful, intense interpretations I yearn for. That's ok. Documenting what I'm doing and how I'm feeling is important too.

In any case, things are going well for me. My project is going great (as long as you put on your PC context goggles before looking at it) and if I'm not feeling more sure about who I am, what I'm doing or what my role or potential impact in my community might eventually be, then at least I'm not feeling so overwhelmed by this lack of important information. It has been stressful being compared to Dan, especially up in the neighborhood where I live now, and I haven't had much time to andar in the community to visit neighbors, meet everyone. On the other hand, our communities take such pride in having a Volunteer that in some ways it seems like it almost doesn't matter whether you do a little or a lot, they adore you. I haven't actually felt this myself yet, because everyone still talks to me about all the great things Dan did, and I wonder how I will ever measure up. But then, what I need to do is get over it and do my thing, work on my project, and trust that my contribution, whatever it turns out to be, will be of meaningful value for the individuals and the community as a whole in the end.

Although, I am THRILLED to offer an update on the long, difficult struggle I had since the beginning with making friends, fitting in and feeling sure about myself with the other Volunteers, especially in large numbers. It occurred to me that it is probably never reasonable to expect oneself to make friends, all at once, with 50 (and really, 150+) new people. So I stopped trying, relaxed, allowed myself to find the ones with whom I feel comfortable, accepted, valued. I'm not even a person who prefers a huge circle of friends, and now I am really making progress and picking up steam in forming meaningful friendships with a couple of my fellow Volunteers. I'm newly unaffected by the peer pressures of going out, partying, drinking and so on. If picking up some food at the supermarket, going back to the Pen, grabbing a book and the iPod and chilling out is what floats my boat, guess what, I'm doing it. And being in the capital has become exponentially less (although still significantly) stressful. I feel really proud of myself for this. It was a struggle, but I found my way and I feel like the rest of my service can be a pleasant experience of getting to know the people I'm working with instead of worrying what they think of me. GO ME!

I hereby resolve to write more thoughtful blog entries, at least occasionally, henceforth.
Until next time!